Wen Kexing knew the truth and he was devastated.
Zhou Zishu hadn't expected anything else, really, after the full truth of his condition was revealed to the one he'd come to accept as his soulmate. What he hadn't expected was for Wen Kexing to seek him out after Zhou Zishu had stormed off so decisively only a short while ago, clearly leaving him behind in the rain to fend for himself.
"Why? Why did you do this to yourself?"
A broken question, not an accusation. He wouldn't tolerate the latter but he could understand the first. Seemed as if Zhou Zishu's words had penetrated that thick skull of his after all, even if it had taken some time.
Zhou Zishu wanted to stay strong but one look at the tear-stained faced made him forgo all of his carefully prepared arguments. It was unfair how beautiful Wen Kexing looked in the throes of desperation and drenched to the bone from the downpour that had started right after his fight with the immortal. Zhou Zishu could have kicked himself for thinking about Wen Kexing's beauty in a moment like that but the truth was what it was.
It also served as a great distraction from the question itself; something Zhou Zishu was grateful for. Ever since Lao Wen had stalked, fought and flirted his ways into his life and his heart his doubts had been growing. No, not doubts, he reminded himself sharply. Leaving The Window of Heaven was still the best decision he'd made since before the moment he'd turned his back on Four Seasons Manor and led his sect into ruin and the nails had been the only way.
No, definitely no doubts but regret. Regret, that they'd met so late, had started to find its way into his heart the closer they had become and seeing the soul deep devastation the truth had caused let it flare up in the most unpleasant way.
It had been a while since Zhou Zishu had felt anything but cold anger and despair as strongly as he did feel regret now. He wanted to reach out, to offer comfort, to do anything to make that broken look disappear from that beautiful face. To make himself forget about his inevitable demise in the near future for a moment or two.
Anything, apart from offering explanations. That went too deep. He wasn't ready yet and he doubted that Lao Wen was ready to hear them either. Despite that he needed to do something to ease his companions' pain, that was clear.
The man had tried to fight off Ye Baiyi in his name. Without hesitation and without fear. That was worth more than helpless silence. Wen Kexing deserved more from him, even if his constant interference was an annoyance.
Wen Kexing, who was now turning away from him after not getting an answer. Getting ready to flee, like Zhou Zishu had fled from him before. He could not permit that, being alone was the last thing either of them needed right now, he was sure of that.
"Lao Wen," he started but had nothing else to offer. In his own desperation he reached out to grab the nearest part of Wen Kexing he could reach and managed to snag his right wrist. "Don't leave," he begged, hating how broken his own voice sounded. "Please," he added to degrade himself further but he had already discovered that there wasn't that much pride left in him these days.
In turn, Wen Kexing grabbed his wrist with equal force. As if he'd only been waiting for the slightest sign of being welcome after being pushed away over and over again.
"Never," he promised. He tried and almost succeeded to smile. It was a sad, broken, thing but the effort warmed Zhou Zishu's cold and almost dead heart. "I didn't leave when you pushed me away, didn't I? So why should I do so when you actually want me to stay?" he added with a pale echo of his usual flair. There was still rainwater clinging to his lashes, or maybe fresh tears.
"I understand," he said a moment later and now it was definitely fresh tears and not rainwater. "I don't want to, but I do." It must have broken his heart to admit it out loud and Zhou Zishu once again marveled at the sheer strength of him.
His answering smile was equally weak, but heartfelt. Acceptance of his choices was all he'd wanted and now he'd gotten it. Now they could start on working through the rest.
"Stay," he repeated, the only word he could find at the moment. Tears were beyond him but Wen Kexing had always been the more emotionally expressive one of the two of them. It was enough if one of them could show what they both felt.
"Always, A-Xu," came the immediate answer. A promise, a vow, everything Wen Kexing could and would give him wrapped up in two little words.
In return, Zhou Zishu tugged him closer and drew the willing body of his soulmate into an embrace.
I'm sorry. The words were in his mouth but they refused to be spoken. He wasn't, not really. Not for the things Wen Kexing actually deserved an honest apology for so he kept his mouth shut.
"A-Xu," Wen Kexing sighed, a particular mix of happiness and sorrow in his voice.
"Lao Wen," he echoed quietly.
He should get Wen Kexing out of his soaked robes and into bed, he knew, but he decided to be irresponsible for once and so he just held on and let the water soak through his clothes as well. If they both caught a cold they could spend the next few days together in bed, clinging to each other, and right at this moment that prospect sounded like the best thing ever.
He couldn't say how long they stood here, one soaking wet and the other getting there, before Wen Kexing raised his head from its position on Zhou Zishu's shoulder. His face was dry now, apart from a few drops of water yet clinging to the strands of hair framing his face. He somehow managed to look vulnerable and oh so beautiful at the same time and it would be so easy to lean in and kiss that tempting mouth, to discover if it was only skilled at spouting poetry and bad flirting or if Wen Kexing could use it for better things as well.
Zhou Zishu wanted to taste the rain on his lips.
It would be so easy… and yet impossible.
One day, Zhou Zishu knew, but not now. Not when Wen Kexing was hurting so badly from the revelations of the day and he himself still had to come to terms with the fact that his soulmate now knew the full truth.
Instead of kissing him he gently brushed the wet strands out of Wen Kexing's face.
"Let's get you out of those robes and into bed," he murmured, loath to disturb the tranquil yet fragile mood that had formed between them.
"Will you stay with me?" Wen Kexing asked, an echo of Zhou Zishu's plea from before.
Zhou Zishu smiled, this time without effort. "Of course I'll stay. Try and see if you can get rid of me so easily."
Wen Kexing's answering smile was a little bit more unsure but it was there and it was honest and that was all Zhou Zishu could wish for at the moment.