The original plan had been for Zhou Zishu to recover in the home he had thought lost, with Wen Kexing and a bunch of brand-new disciples to take care of him.
Fate had always hated him, apart from the very few instances when it had not.
So instead of him it was Wen Kexing who was in urgent need of care as he stubbornly clung to life while his shattered and burned meridians tried to mend themselves with the help of Zhou Zishu's own, more or less restored, energy.
Instead of the safety of Four Season's Manor they were trapped in the icy cold of the desolate armory, and instead of disciples there was only Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing.
Ye Baiyi had wanted them - or rather Wen Kexing - shut away from the world for the rest of their lives.
At least one of them had gotten all of his wishes fulfilled, Zhou Zishu had concluded with no small amount of irony.
Still, it was better than being trapped in Ghost Valley with a bunch of power-hungry, back-stabbing ghosts. Here, the only stabbing that might occur would be consensual and not a surprising sneak attack.
"If you ever wake up, you stupid, self-sacrificial idiot." Zhou Zishu hissed the last of this particular train of thought out loud towards the still sleeping and barely breathing Wen Kexing. "Don't make me force you to come back to me. You won't like it," he promised.
Wen Kexing had a headache.
He hadn't said anything about it, because Heaven forbid that the man actually complained about something important for once in his life, but the pinched look on his face and his uncharacteristic silence told Zhou Zishu everything he needed to know.
"Lao Wen," he called softly as he came up behind the sitting man, gently touching his shoulder at the same time.
There was no reaction, apart from a soft exhale, so he wasn't too far gone into his own mind to not notice Zhou Zishu's approach.
Good.
Ever since he'd woken up from his coma Wen Kexing had an unnerving tendency to dive deep into his own mind for hours on end, losing all awareness of his surroundings. Dangerous, if they weren't sheltered in the sealed armory, and, of course, concerning no matter what.
"A-Xu." His existence was finally acknowledged. "There are so many new memories in my head. It hurts." He sounded young and fragile in a way he had never before and all of Zhou Zishu's protective instincts - already very strong even before the menace that was his soulmate had tried and almost succeeded in sacrificing himself - flared up at once.
"I know," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I wish..." For so many things, actually, but sparing his other half this was on the very top of the long, long list.
A soft sigh and Wen Kexing slowly and carefully leaned his head against Zhou Zishu's stomach. "You being here helps."
Of course it did. Love and care in times of pain always did, but it had been a very long time since his Lao Wen had experienced it so he had probably forgotten all about it. Zhou Zishu's heart once again broke at what Wen Kexing had to go through before ending up where he belonged - safe and cherished.
He gathered the mane of newly silver hair, twisted it in a careless pseudo-braid, and let it fall over Wen Kexing's left shoulder.
"Anything else I can do, apart from being here?" he asked softly, gently touching Wen Kexing's right temple. Wen Kexing shuddered and closed his eyes. Zhou Zishu wished he could see what was going in there, even if it might turn his stomach and give him even more nightmares for the rest of his life.
A slight headshake. "Just hold me."
Wen Kexing's meridians hadn't been the only thing broken during those long hours of the Combined Six Cultivations ritual. Along with the toll on his body it had also obliterated whatever was left of the memory blocks that had kept him halfway sane for decades, leaving even more pain and confusion in its wake and slowing down his recovery.
"When I have to die one day I want to do so in your arms, A-Xu," he said suddenly, once again making a mental leap Zhou Zishu could barely follow.
The statement was neither unexpected nor unwelcome, even if he hoped that the moment it would happen was far into the future.
"You will. We'll find a way to go together when the time comes," he promised, "and I will hold you. But not yet. First, we have to actually live for the first time in so long." He took a small piece of ice from the bowl he'd brought with him. "Eat, Lao Wen," he commanded softly as he held it to Wen Kexing's lips. "You need it."
Wen Kexing did, tongue darting out to lick Zhou Zishu's fingers for a moment. "Everything for you," he murmured, eyes half closed.
Zhou Zishu let his free hand travel downward until it sat on Wen Kexing's throat, squeezing carefully every time he felt him swallow.
"If you get all of it down I'll reward you," he promised. Wen Kexing wasn't consuming enough ice or snow by far and it complicated his recovery even further. Zhou Zishu couldn't bring himself to actually force him to eat, so he'd resigned himself to bribery.
"A-Xu," came the predictable whine of protest but Zhou Zishu cut it off my squeezing hard enough to stop Wen Kexing's breathing. In answer, Wen Kexing let his head fall back and looked up at him with eyes already half-blown with naked need. He licked his lips in invitation and Zhou Zishu laughed. As either of them was in any condition for fun things like sex.
In comparison to Wen Kexing his own body was in good shape now, but he was still far from recovered. His meridians where still fragile and he had to handle them - and himself - with care while his senses were all over the place. Oversensitive in one moment, barely there the next, seldom at an equilibrium. He shouldn't even be doing the little bit he was doing, he knew, but with Wen Kexing just about being able to stand and walk a few steps unaided after weeks of unconsciousness, and also still prone to spells of dizziness and confusion, he had to be the one to take care of both of them.
"Here," he said, offering the next piece while relaxing his hold around Wen Kexing's throat. "I'll hand-feed you every day, if necessary, but you will start eating," he promised.
"From your hands or lips I will take anything, A-Xu."
Before, that would have been an awfully blatant innuendo and while there was still a vague undercurrent of sexual meaning behind the words they were mostly meant in the literal sense now.
"I know, Lao Wen."
Zhou Zishu was glad that he was finally behind all of the defenses Wen Kexing had built around himself and that the flagrant and aggressive flirting had faded into something far softer and truly genuine.
"I'll feed you every day from now on." He took a piece for himself. He had to show how it was done, after all.
Wen Kexing closed his eyes with a soft sigh but opened his mouth obediently when Zhou Zishu pressed yet another small piece of ice against his lips.
"For how long?" he asked after he'd taken it and licked a few droplets of water from Zhou Zishu's fingers. "How long until you get tired of having to take care of me?"
If he wasn't so exhausted himself he would have been annoyed. As it was, he didn't have the energy for it.
"Never," he answered honestly. "Years in the future, when we're both strong enough to spar and fly over the snow together, I'll still feed you ice and snow every day, if you want."
Another soft sigh. "Don't tempt me, A-Xu. I might take you up on that offer."
"Good. You're supposed to, idiot."
Another piece of ice and he could feel that Wen Kexing was fading, fast, his eyes already closing again.
"Let me help you get back to bed." He hid the command behind an offer, knowing that he would be obeyed no matter what.
"A-Xu is so good to his wife," Wen Kexing murmured as he got up with a stumble and got barely caught by Zhou Zishu. "I still don't know what I have done to deserve it."
Oh, the possibilities of cutting answers to that! They were sheer endless and Zhou Zishu was hard pressed to find the right one.
"Despite your best efforts you didn't die, Lao Wen," he finally said. "That's enough."
A nervous laugh, quickly smothered by a cough. "Ah yes. I remember that feeling." He opened his eyes just enough to glance at Zhou Zishu and smiled. "How does it feel to be on the other side of the equation?"
Zhou Zishu scowled. "Awful. I would appreciate it if you'd recovered swiftly so I can punish you properly for what you've done."
He got another, slightly dizzy, but happy smile for that. "Punish me all you want, A-Xu. I'm yours to do with as you please. You can beat me…"
"Who said anything about beating you up?" Zhou Zishu interrupted harshly. The thought alone was enough to make him throw up, considering the pitiful state Wen Kexing was in.
When Wen Kexing just blinked, confused and absolutely uncomprehending, Zhou Zishu was once again reminded what life his soulmate had lived so far.
He sighed as he gently lowered the almost sleeping man down into their shared bed.
"I'm not going to beat you," he said, barely tamping down on his impatience. It wasn't Wen Kexing's fault, it was the fault of a world that had only ever beaten and hurt him while hiding its gentle side from him. Zhou Zishu had the urge to beat the fact that he wouldn't be beaten from now on into his soulmate's pretty but fucked up head.
"You're not? I deserve it, don't I?" Wen Kexing asked and the breathless wonder in his voice was almost enough to make Zhou Zishu tear up. He swallowed them down.
"No. You're going to heal and then I'm going to beat your ass when we spar. Landing face down in the dirt over and over again will be enough punishment for your ego, don't you think so?"
He sat down beside Wen Kexing and gently brushed a strand of wayward hair out of his face. The silvery white was beautiful and reminded Zhou Zishu of the starlight on a clear winter's night, of struggling to take a breath despite the air being almost too cold to do so.
He had felt the same when he'd opened his eyes to the sight of Wen Kexing falling away from him. He could not wait to see Wen Kexing out in the snow, alive, healthy and happy, to replace the awful memory.
His Lao Wen was even more beautiful now and Zhou Zishu wanted to appreciate it without having to think about he'd almost paid the ultimate price for their love.
The loose twist had come undone - he'd have to put the silvery mass of hair into braid, or he'd wake up with a mouthful of it, he knew. Wen Kexing was clingy in his sleep, and Zhou Zishu had discovered that he rather liked being clung to.
"Nobody is going to hurt you ever again," he promised. "They'd have to go through me first and they won't be able to." Whoever 'they' might be, he'd fight them till the bitter end and beyond.
Wen Kexing looked slightly alarmed at his pronouncement. "A-Xu, what has gotten into you? I can take care of myself, you know."
"Not right now, no. You can't," Zhou Zishu gave back ruthlessly. "And not for a long while, especially if you don't eat. Don't think that I don't know what you're doing by refusing ice and snow, Lao Wen. Self-punishment doesn't suit you and you should stop with it immediately."
No verbal answer and a careful lack of reaction - which was its own answer. Zhou Zishu sighed.
"What am I supposed to do with you, Lao Wen?" Except feed him and force him into recovery.
Wen Kexing grinned. "You could kiss me, A-Xu?" he offered. It was a pale echo of his old flirty behavior. "Or you could," his right hand landed on Zhou Zishu's thigh, "finish what you started when you…" He swallowed, all of his shamelessness suddenly gone.
"When I choked you to reward you for eating?" Zhou Zishu finished softly. He'd known that it would work, or he wouldn't have done it, and now he had to live with the consequences. "Can you even get it up right now, Lao Wen?" he asked harshly.
"Can you?" he was challenged in return.
Zhou Zishu closed his eyes in resignation. "No," he was forced to admit. Maybe - hopefully - soon but his restored body wasn't quite there yet.
"Pity," Wen Kexing said, "I had hoped…" he trailed off.
"I'm not going to fuck you as long as you're unable to fully participate." The thought alone was repulsive to him. He half expected another comment but Wen Kexing just looked at him. Full of calculation, yes, but that scary wide-eyed adoration he could employ at will was also there and Zhou Zishu had the distinct feeling that it was an unconscious thing this time.
He's going to kill me one day, Zhou Zishu realized. All that vulnerability, wrapped up in so much hurt and protected by a shell made out of wit and tenacity - it was as if Wen Kexing, in all his insufferable glory, was tailor-made for Zhou Zishu.
"Zhiji." He hadn't planned on speaking the word out loud but seeing Wen Kexing's eyes light up was worth it. It was almost painful to watch how much his acknowledgement meant to Wen Kexing, even after having heard it quite a few times by now.
"Zhiji," Wen Kexing echoed back, almost asleep but clearly happy despite the weakness and the pain he was in. He'd been the first to speak it out loud, so long ago, but now it made Zhou Zishu shiver, when back then he'd been so busy with himself and his conflicting emotions to truly appreciate the gift he'd been so freely given.
He laughed and leaned down to kiss his personal menace before he could say anything else. "Brat," he accused fondly. "Rest."
Later, he would bribe and tease and coax Wen Kexing into consuming a little bit more ice. It seemed to go down easier than the texture of snow, so of course ice it would be he would feed to the wonderful man who had wrapped himself around his soul. Completely and irrevocably.
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